8 Steps to Love • Healing Loss With Gratitude

Healing Loss With Gratitude: “I’ll Always Love You!”
Mary, an eighty-year-old woman cried with heartfelt sobs as she
expressed to me, “I’ll never stop missing him!” She was referring to
her deceased husband Carl, the love of her life. She had lost him
over twenty years ago. I told Mary to picture Carl and SPEAK
DIRECTLY to him the words, “I’ll never stop loving you! I’ll always love
you!” As she did, she began to smile through her tears. Her face and
her eyes lit up as she recalled how much she still loved him and
always would.

Just days after that fateful day, September 11, 2001, I was on a
national television talk show as a stress expert. I was to help people
recover from the loss of loved ones in the World Trade Center disaster.
A young man who had just lost his father was seated next to
me. He recalled having pizza and Pepsi with his father on Sunday
nights. It was a special ritual he shared with his father. I told this
young man: “Because you will never stop loving your father, you
will find yourself missing him from time to time.” Then I told him
to “TALK DIRECTLY” to his father when he missed him saying: “My
feeling angry and sad is telling me that I hate that you are not here
to have pizza and Pepsi. And that’s because I loved having pizza and
Pepsi with you on Sunday nights.” After the show, he turned to me
with tears in his eyes and thanked me for helping him. He felt better
now that he could not only see but feel the connection between
the pain of his anger and grief, and the fact that he would always
love his father.

Recall the examples of James and Debra. Both of them managed
the pain they felt over the loss of their loved ones by remembering
with an attitude of gratitude, the times they had with their former
loves. Now recall important people or pets you have lost in your life
and prepare to TALK DIRECTLY to them. Remember to breathe in
deeply keeping your belly soft and softening all around your heart
region. Say the words, “I’ll never stop missing you.” Now tell your lost
loved one, “I’ll never stop loving you! I’ll always love you!” Notice how
different you feel when you shift to directly expressing your love
that underlies your pain.